An ex intelligence officer is struggling with his new career in industry, and now he’s being bullied because of his background.
A story illustrating the challenges of adjusting to a civilian life.
4 pages (1280 words)
Entirely fictional
Author: Adrian Cowderoy
“An agency man”
Emmanuel wanted to wear a pink shirt because it looked least like an ex intelligence officer, but he didn’t dare surrender to feelings. He’d spent years avoiding attention. He’d even had plastic surgery on his nose to make it look common-place, just as he’d thinned his eyebrows and adopted a stubble to hide his skin blemishes. Though nothing could counter the left eye that squinted perpetually or the shape of his head that looked like an inverted pear drop.
“Learn to embrace your emotions,” his wife said when they were out walking the dog. “This is part of rediscovering yourself. Read literature, go to art exhibitions, and if you find yourself crying, it’s a sign you’re putting the Agency behind you.”
Emmanuel couldn’t cry. But he did shake. His experiences in the Agency filled his nightly dream world, and in the daytime the slightest things could jolt a memory and he’d find his face whitening and muscles tensing. The memories of the carnage and panic after a bomb was one. And there were moments in the field. But the worst had been in the office during that final month with the formal letters, the ostracization by his colleagues, and finally an ice-cold meeting.
And now he had a new job in the corporate world, with a better salary and a job title that avoided words like “intelligence” and “spy”. Except it was almost the same work as before. He even had a team, this time with two researchers, an analyst, and a recruit that was meant to be a liaison but had the acting ability of a trick dog. And the enemy was no longer a terrorist group or foreign country, but an industrial competitor: Glynefeld Industries. That’s a more civilised opponent, he told his wife.
The politics within their company was no better than the Agency. On the first day at the company he’d been forced to sign a statement. I will always act ethically and within the law. It was a crude way of saying: “We know where you used to work. We don’t want any Tom Cruise stuff here.” It was a prejudiced view, based on fantasy and rumours spread by social media.
Emmanuel’s office was on the ground floor of a complex of low buildings that spread like a university campus between lawns and trees and recreation facilities. His team’s desks were in a horse-shoe facing his. He’d arrived early, as was his habit. He smiled as each of his team arrived, asked after their family or hobby or interest, and exchanged a joke. The casualness felt like an act, but it was essential. When he first arrived they’d looked terrified of him – the ex intelligence officer who pretended he was just a financial accountant. I should have worn the pink shirt, he said to himself.
The team had been at work for almost an hour when they hit him with it. “Emmanuel, you wanted to be told if our opponents did something unexpected. They’ve just signed an eight million dollar contract with a US military supplier. That’s a first. They’ve never touched military contracts before.”
Emmanuel felt his heart pattering. He hadn’t predicted this, he hadn’t issued a warning to the exec. If it was true, there would be questions about whether his intelligence team earned its keep. “Who else knows?” Bad news travels fast, and appearing to dither was a sign of incompetence.
“Lots. It was announced late last night.” Last night, and nobody had told him until now. If people worked at that speed in counter-terrorism there’d be sharp words, at best; and at worst, there’d be blood on the street.
“Guys, we need to get this much faster next time. I’ll show you how,” Emmanuel said. He spoke casually without signs of stress, but his thoughts were on damage limitation. He booked a crisis meeting with the people he knew would criticise him. Be seen to be in control.
There were just slithers of hope. Maybe it was false news, or Glynefeld Industries had taken a contract that would become a disaster for them, or perhaps Emmanuel could find a way of distracting attention from his mistake.
He chose a meeting room that was so small they couldn’t line up on the opposite side of the table to him. And he sat with his back to the window so anyone sitting opposite him would squint.
The first of the attendees was wearing a large black face mask. It was a hang-over from the Covid-19 period, and it bulged erratically over his beard. He had narrowed eyes and leant forward in the way of someone looking for a fight. “I imagine these crises were everyday stuff in the last place you worked,” he said. The name of the agency wasn’t mentioned, but his opponent knew about Emmanuel’s history. It had been this man who’d accused him of having the morals of a Hollywood character.
Bullying was the word that came to mind, but Emmanuel knew he was hypersensitive on that subject. “I wouldn’t like to say,” he said aloud.
That was the end of the chatter. Emmanuel worked the conferencing technology in silence and waited for people to connect. At least the home workers were not hidden behind masks.
There were eight people in the meeting. He gritted his way through the description of what Glynefeld Industries were doing, and how they’d managed to negotiate a contract without any of Emmanuel’s sources spotting it. It could have been a small secretive group who were involved,” he said. It was speculation, not verifiable facts. He hated himself for dropping so low.
The quizzing came from the man with the masked beard. “Emmanuel, you watch their recruitment patterns, their engagements, and you pick up bits of their office chatter. Did you miss something?”
“This was an unknown unknown – it was completely left field.”
“But aren’t you trained to find these things?”
Emmanuel hid his wince. His opponent’s words were a misunderstanding of the mechanics of intelligence work. That was common enough. But worse, it was definitely bullying. “Analysis,” Emmanuel said carefully, “includes looking at a set of different strategies, and estimating the likelihood of each. It doesn’t mean the most likely thing will happen, just that it may happen.”
“In my book, it’s either a problem or it’s not a problem. I don’t have time for in-between possibles and probables.”
That’s a very dangerous attitude, Emmanuel said to himself. Aloud he said nothing.
“You didn’t predict this one. Is that how it worked in your last job? Is it why we get so many political and military disasters?”
“No.” A short and sharp answer.
“And you? We haven’t really established why you chose to leave your last role. It was your choice, wasn’t it?”
Emmanuel stared back. It was against everything in his nature to disclose secrets, but sometimes it was necessary. “I made a mistake. There were mitigating factors, and nobody was hurt, but that’s not a valid excuse.”
“So that was it. And now you ask us to trust you?”
“After it was all over, I made a solemn commitment,” Emmanuel continued. “I promised that if I ever saw someone making the same mistake, I’d call them out.”
“But it’s so secret, none of us will ever know what really happened. So that’s an easy promise to make.”
Emmanuel paused, waiting for the moment when they thought he wouldn’t answer. “No. It’s not a State Secret. My mistake was I’d become so stressed that I let myself become a bully.” He stared his colleague in the eyes. “As I said, I will fight anyone I see bullying, whoever they are.”
Further reading on ex intelligence officers
There are multiple challenges that people face when they leave the secret intelligence profession. This is just one of them. For another story about an ex intelligence officer, please see Suicide risk – 2-page story.
To understand the mindset on ex intelligence officers, think as a serving intelligence officer. A good example is from David Omand, in “How Spies Think”, 2020. His book is focussed on the methods of intelligence research, analysis and use. There are numerous anecdotes (from the public domain). For reviews, see https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/51780145-how-spies-think and https://2bookspermonth.com/how-spies-think/ and https://inews.co.uk/inews-lifestyle/people/thinking-like-a-spy-truth-lies-former-head-of-gchq-david-omand-748465
“Unknown unknowns” are explored on this website, both as a discourse in “4 ways to manage unknown unknowns and their opportunities” and in stories such as “The secret devil’s advocate” and “Too many presidents”.
There is overlap from intelligence analysis estimation to project risk management, as described in Avoid project risk analysis failure – 5 tips from secret intelligence.
Getting help, for ex intelligence officers
If you profession is (or was) as an intelligence officer in the USA, look to The Association of Former Intelligence Officers https://www.afio.com/
This story was first published on the 1st November 2021. On the 29th May 2024 it was revised to improve the story-telling.
